My opinion on cemeteries

I am fortunate enough to know what day I am going to die. Unfortunately though I am not sure what year. It was not given to me by any type of clairvoyant or mystique, but I have simply alwats known that I will die on the 22nd of August. Yes that is today.

It has it ups and downs knowing your death day. It is obviously a bit of a downer when you are in the middle or August and the day is coming up, but once you pass by the 22nd (assuming that I do not die on the way home from work) you have a clear 364 more days when you can do whatever you bloody well like, safe in the knowledge that you will not die.

Mind you, the little red-haired girl has never been comfortable with my premonitions and flat refuses to discuss my death day with me. For some reason she finds it a little creepy and so chooses to forget I ever mentioned it. I think that once again this year she will forget about this all important date....no card, no concern, no nothin'!

But when my fateful 22nd of August finally rolls around, what will I do? I am not currently sure whether I would like to be roasted or smothered? Maybe I can do both, kind of like a Maori hangi. But in all honesty, aren't fully blown cemeteries a bit of a misuse of space. This thing is, most folks want them to be placed near to major cities so that they can visit them and all that kind of thing, but with over-population and so forth, these typical cemeteries are taking up too much room. Plus the real estate prices are now astronomical and the government may not allow pre-retiree's to use there super money for a burial plot, I mean, what exactly does the legislation mean when they mention severe financial hardship? Does death count?.

So for me folks, cemeteries are a relic, outdated and a poor use of pastoral land. Lets get everybody involved in the Hangi system! Thereby saving space and re-claiming lost culture. The best of both worlds (and no, I do not mean the spirit world). And let the only remaining cemetery be the dog cemetery out at Corrigin, because that place is sweet.

My dad, Homer (thats right, I am introducing characters too) also has a known death day, but my Mum (Marge) refuses to discuss this date also. What is it with women and emotions.

Finally I would like to leave you with a little known Australian cemetery fact. Did you know that Australia has the only cemetery in the world with street lights, the locals call it Adelaide.