My opinion on cemeteries

I am fortunate enough to know what day I am going to die. Unfortunately though I am not sure what year. It was not given to me by any type of clairvoyant or mystique, but I have simply alwats known that I will die on the 22nd of August. Yes that is today.

It has it ups and downs knowing your death day. It is obviously a bit of a downer when you are in the middle or August and the day is coming up, but once you pass by the 22nd (assuming that I do not die on the way home from work) you have a clear 364 more days when you can do whatever you bloody well like, safe in the knowledge that you will not die.

Mind you, the little red-haired girl has never been comfortable with my premonitions and flat refuses to discuss my death day with me. For some reason she finds it a little creepy and so chooses to forget I ever mentioned it. I think that once again this year she will forget about this all important date....no card, no concern, no nothin'!

But when my fateful 22nd of August finally rolls around, what will I do? I am not currently sure whether I would like to be roasted or smothered? Maybe I can do both, kind of like a Maori hangi. But in all honesty, aren't fully blown cemeteries a bit of a misuse of space. This thing is, most folks want them to be placed near to major cities so that they can visit them and all that kind of thing, but with over-population and so forth, these typical cemeteries are taking up too much room. Plus the real estate prices are now astronomical and the government may not allow pre-retiree's to use there super money for a burial plot, I mean, what exactly does the legislation mean when they mention severe financial hardship? Does death count?.

So for me folks, cemeteries are a relic, outdated and a poor use of pastoral land. Lets get everybody involved in the Hangi system! Thereby saving space and re-claiming lost culture. The best of both worlds (and no, I do not mean the spirit world). And let the only remaining cemetery be the dog cemetery out at Corrigin, because that place is sweet.

My dad, Homer (thats right, I am introducing characters too) also has a known death day, but my Mum (Marge) refuses to discuss this date also. What is it with women and emotions.

Finally I would like to leave you with a little known Australian cemetery fact. Did you know that Australia has the only cemetery in the world with street lights, the locals call it Adelaide.

My opinion on Max Kay

So my one reader has posted one question. Good start.

When a was a bit younger, I often considered that I would like a career in politics. I consider myself to be a reasonable conversationalist and have strong opinions about many things. It was only later that I discovered, that to be in politics you need to talk as little as possible to avoid issues and have no opinion about anything but the polls. So I then decided that this career would not be for me. Although I still harbour a desire to change the system and still enjoy seeing Pauline Hanson on the tube telling me about Muslim terrorism and how all people except redheads are evil. In reality I think you will find the opposite is true!

When I considered a position in politics though, I always considered the federal level only. Sure there is a need for state governments to handle some issues, but nobody really cares. You wouldn't have believed my surprise when I discovered that there is an even lower level of government!

I also grew up in the sunny Sydney suburb of Cronulla (I wonder of Pauline Hanson has ever been there) and had during my formative years heard of far away lands where people still had simple country lives. This place was known as Perth. I never imagined I would even make a trip to this overgrown country town or even that they required government consideration, just a crazy sheriff and a deputy that did all the real work should be all that was required. Well to my shock and horror, I actually moved to this zany side of the country and found out that people here believe that they are actually living in a 'city' and believe that the rest of the country finds them somehow relevant enough to have both state and local governments. I mean, what can the mayor of Perth possibly have to do with his day except complain about the heat like every other bogan does?

To make things worse, the lowest level also have the most ridiculous fashion sense in their leaders. What is the deal with all those Mr. T necklaces? Even the Queen of bloody England has gotten over wearing her crap around when she can avoid it. But not our Max Kay. He remains photogenic and proud behind his pile of shining crud and robes. I have seen him a few times on 'sweet and sour' though. He seems an alright bloke.

My Opinion on Everything

My dear poor mal-nourished and forgotten blog. I am truly surprised that Madonna or Angelina Jolie hasn't offered to adopt you yet.

Although it appears otherwise (from my feeble blogging attempts), I actually do have an opinion on everything, it is just that I am very much uninspired. So stealing an idea from another blog that I read, I wish to open up my blog for a Q & A session or perhaps just a request for my opinion. So if anybody out there actually logs on* to this page, feel free to pop a questions, any question in to the comments and you will be berated about it with my opinion before you know it in the next post. No question too big, no opinion too small.

At least it will make me accountable to my reading public. Hey, I may even get a return visitor.

*Thats what the kids say today right?